He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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