Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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