I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
