YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
false alarm, still single
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