yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
