So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
