omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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