Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I forget how to act sober
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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