Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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