Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
is it fun? or sober?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
