You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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