Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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