My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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