I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
