Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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