His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
