I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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