There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
