i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
People with herpes should wear stickers.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
