my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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