dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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