I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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