i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
