So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
