Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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