I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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