there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
