I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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