Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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