Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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