Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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