i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
