I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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