Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
