I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
