dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He felt like a one man threesome
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
