As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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