I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
