It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
