You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
