she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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