i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
