Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
