I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
