Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize