i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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