I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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