Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize