New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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