He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
