did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So vagazzling was a success
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
