and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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