Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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