There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
