he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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