so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
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Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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