the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
