drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
