i need an iv and a liver transplant
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
