I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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