My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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