i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
