I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
