Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
