how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
