I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I want to make a zoo with you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
