yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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