Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
