Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
